I want to cry, dammit!

Why is it that when I feel so incredibly sad, I can't cry?

I need this release, but I can't cry. I think part of the problem is the few times I have cried, my dear husband freaked out and said I needed medication. Now I am afraid to just let it out....and I desperately need to just let it out. There are two things we need to discuss at our next therapy appointment-why can't he just let me cry and how can we get past the fact that he went to Bermuda and missed his only chance to see our child's heartbeat? We both struggle with that one. I am so angry that he freaked out the last time I cried that I want to make him feel just as bad by bringing that whole thing up again, which I know is totally wrong. But, I just want everyone to feel as bad as I do!

On top of all of this I met my next door neighbor for the first time today and she had talked to Jason previously and he told her we were expecting. He didn't tell her we had a miscarriage and he didn't tell me that he told her. I had a rough day already and then I was caught off guard by a total stranger and who the hell can cry in front of a total stranger? Then I told him about it and he didn't even apologize and told me to have a nice day. WTF?

I think I am going to go break something. Maybe that will get it out.