Sick!

I have had a cold or the flu for a week. I am not sure which because I have a lot of congestion, sneezing, coughing, like a cold and very little aching-just a minor headache. But, I have a fever which is not a typical cold symptom. So, who knows. Now today I am nauseated on top of it.

I think I will stay in bed. When I feel better I will upload my pictures from Bermuda. I don't tend to take a lot of pictures, so I promise it won't be boring. Just a few highlights of those BEAUTIFUL islands. I want to move there. I suppose I should check it out in the summer to make sure it isn't painfully hot before I decide that. But it really is the most beautiful place I have ever been.

Snow, snow, snow!!!

What a crazy mess we have out there. Jason and I spent some time shoveling this morning, but there is still a lot to do. Guinness won't go more than two feet from the door to pee. He likes a couple of inches of snow, but thinks a couple of feet is excessive. Here is why:



































When I shoveled this morning I made the mistake of walking through a snow drift that was up to my hips. I almost got stuck and my legs did go numb with cold. Now, Jason has shoveled a path to the end of the driveway so at least we can walk into the street without getting too wet. I also have several layers on top and bottom, so I am heading back out again!



Even though Guinness has a coat and a sweater to keep him warm , I think I'll let him stay snuggled in bed.

Keep warm!!!

Ah, the guilt

Jason and I are trying for another baby this month. This has stirred up feelings about Ellen. I am thinking I should be five months pregnant with her now. I tried to talk to Jason about it, but it makes him feel bad. I went back and read all my message board posts from right after the miscarriage and I cried. I stayed in bed all day yesterday. I read The Deep End of the Ocean. I ate too much junk food. I had a brief relapse into my grief.

Today isn't a whole lot better except that I am not in bed and I haven't eaten any junk food. I need to exercise and clean the house and go to Petsmart to clean litter boxes. I just don't want to do anything right now.

I guess I am just sad again. I feel guilty for moving forward and feeling happy and excited about the possibility of another baby. I don't want to leave our first child behind. I know everyone else has forgotten her. Only Jason and I think of her and I am afraid we won't either if we have another.

So I am guilty.

This is shaping up to be a promising week

Positive One: I love my new doctor. She is very down to earth. I know she will not give me any bs in the future and will tell it like it is if God forbid anything bad were to happen with a future pregnancy. Also, she listened to me, answered my questions and seems to have the mentality that the patient takes the lead.

Positive Two: I have a meeting with my old boss tomorrow morning to discuss picking up some contract work. It won't be much money but it will give me something to do!!!

Positive Three: It snowed and it is pretty.

Positive Four: My dog is keeping me warm.

Yay for a great week!

Preconception appointment today

So, I should be finishing up our last cycle of waiting to try again sometime this week. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon with a new obstetrician. I have lots of questions to ask and I am very nervous. In about two weeks we are going to start this roller coaster all over again. I'll be praying for a sticky baby this time around.