Ellen's Letter

A copy of this letter was buried with Ellen and the other babies following a memorial service on Tuesday.

My Darling Ellen,
I have been putting off writing this letter to you for fear of what it would bring out in me, but if Dad can put it in words, then I sure better do it.
I miss you. To be honest I wasn’t ever really sure I wanted a baby. Daddy and I were looking into adopting a child instead, but when Daddy said he wanted a baby I decided to give it a go. And when we got pregnant on the first shot I was a little scared and a lot excited. Finally, I get to have MY baby! I remember your Daddy didn’t really believe I was pregnant so I had to take a digital pregnancy test that said “pregnant” for him to believe me! I actually took a bunch of tests because I liked seeing them all be positive so I knew you were really in there.
I remember we tried to keep you a secret. Your Aunt Laura was having her baby shower after I found out and I didn’t want to tell anyone until after that. We told everyone the following week. I bought your Umma and Grammy little onsies that said “Coming Soon” on them and gave them to them in your room.They were both so excited! We really had a wonderful few weeks with you, darling.
I was so looking forward to meeting you. I wanted to hold you. I wanted to see your Daddy hold you. I wanted to know what you’d look like. I wanted to show you off to everyone and have them ooh and ahh over how gorgeous you were. We wanted you so much.
All of that was taken away though way too soon. One day I saw your little heart beating and the next week you were gone. I cannot even tell you how sad I was and still am that you are not here. I have a pretty necklace that I wear to remember you and I touch it when I think of you. You will always be my first baby and I will always love you.
Daddy and I are going to try soon for a little sibling for you. I hope we get to hold our baby soon here on earth. Just know that child will never replace you and the joy we got to experience with our first. I love you, Ellen.

Love,Mommy